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2001-12-31 (Monday) - 3:05 p.m. the ten funniest things that micah holmquist did, said or wrote in 2001 Laughing is a good thing and so here I am to present my loyal readers -as well as anybody else who reads this- with the 10 funniest things that I did in 2001. Please do enjoy! (Note that the comedy must arise from something I did so no "can't the guy afford an SUV like normal yuppies?" or "Micah sits down when he pees." Also, if you are a friend of mine and not mentioned below you should be mad at me for not displaying my A material around you.) 10) Bashing for Fun: I did this with the woman who is now known in these pages as thealchemist. The comedy was great at the time but I think the incident loses some points because the satiric qualities were probably not clear to individual who heard it at the time. thealchemist and I probably just looked like a really odd pair of bigots. 9) "...if we had followed the teachings of the Nathan Bedford Forrest.": A bit over the top but still good fun if you have my sense of humor. John Ashcroft scares me. 8)...Free Sirhan Sirhan!: I'm not sure why I find this funny since I really do think he should walk free. What? You thought I would care about him knocking off RFK to protest the presidential candidate's pro-Israel positions? 7)"..."The Bloody Claws of Uncle Sam and his Evil Eagle Continue their Imperialist Slaughter of the Oppressed People of the World": The mainstream media is full of traitors I tell you! 6)"..."USA! USA! USA!: You have to read this one to get it. 5) August and early September featured me frequently saying that my friend the balloon tosser was ulgy and unintelligent. That is funny because she is nothing if not beautiful and intelligent. In fact, the balloon tosser is one of the most wonderful people that I have ever known. 4)... pick up some guys at the Dairy Queen: It is a basic rule of comedy that it is always funny to mention Bon Jovi, Def Leopard and/or Poison in a paragraph that also includes the phrase "pick up some guys at the Dairy Queen." thealchemist thought it was funny herself at the time. 3) It was December 3 and FAL and I were in a booth at a restaurant called Miller's in Downtown Chicago. When the waitress came with the desert that we had ordered, the two of us were at opposite ends of the table and laying our heads on the seat. The server asked us in a motherly voice, "Can you sit up for desert?" and laughed. Like good kids, we sat up. Later the waitress would come back to the sight of FAL and me licking the desert plate clean. In response to this she said, "I have never seen that before in seven years of working here." 2) On the evening of July 28, I was walking with bbs when I got a phone call from parents who were in Canada as part of a vacation at the time. My mom asked me how the weather was in Chicago and I told here that it had cooled down significantly from the last couple of weeks when it had been very humid and in the 90s. I also explained to her that this good because elderly people are known to die from the conditions when it gets too hot in Chicago. And then I added that it was supposed to warm again in the next few days and that this was worrisome because of these deaths. Except for I really didn't say it that way. My exact words were, "it is cool now but don't worry, the old people are going to start dying again soon." 1)Dear President Bush: It is strange how a friendly message where I inform the President that he needs to act soon in order to be in accordance with the laws of the land could be so amusing. His Excellency has yet to respond, FWIW. email me with your funniest moments of 2001 or any other time if you care to,
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